No news is not good news when you're unemployed.

Well on the bright side, I'm getting to know my new kittens pretty well. On the dim side, they're kind of bastards most of the time.

I have a large-format yellow post-it with bulleted items that I scribble down when I come up with a potential blog topic. The top one on the list is about cats, and since I started with cats not even thinking about the list, I'll run with it.

Ryan Kerrigan knows all too well that Gary Larson ( here ) knows what dogs are saying to us, each other, and everything ever.

If you didn't click the link, suffice it to say that every bark or noise a dog makes translates to "Hey!" Unbeknown to my conscious self, I've been training my kittens in a similar manner. In addition to the classic we're-going-to-squirt-you-with-water-when-you-do-something-undesirable training (vs. the "oh so inhumane" declaw), I decided in my wisdom to add an audible cue so that in the event we need to discipline one of the kitties and don't have a squirt bottle nearby, that perhaps the audible cue will substitute for the water.

So what do I say? "Hey!" Just like the Far Side dogs. I thought it would be appropriate. I'd say it works about 35% of the time in lieu of the water, if it's about 90% effective at getting their little cat attentions at least. Behavior training a cat is like finding a job, in a way. We get lots of 'opportunities' to move forward, but most of the time we just end up exerting a lot of energy for the sake of feeling like we're making some sort of headway.

I'm applying for what would basically be the best job prospect I've had so far, but at this point I've learned not to get my hopes up until I'm signing an I-9 or shaking hands and saying "See you Monday!" The job is a basic tech support role (which I love), but with training involved as well. Anyone who knows me (Mallory, since you're my only subscriber as yet) knows that I make an OK tech geek, but a much better teacher and trainer. I have patience, lots of patience, and a knack for translating heaps of babble and jargon into humanized, non-robot terms. I want to do this. I might have to buy a suit. I can't believe that at this point I don't have one. What am I going to show up to an interview in?

Why hasn't this come up yet? Oh, that's right... Employers don't f***ing interview applicants any more! I've taken so many placement/logic/aptitude tests wearing board shorts and flip flops, administered by outsourced corporations (Pearson VUE, etc) that really just don't give a shit about you or what job you might be applying for. It's ridiculous. I see people arriving to these places expecting to take the test across from the hiring manager, fully suited up, briefcase and resumes in hand. It's just sad. We live in a different time now. Employers don't want to conduct an employee search any more than we want to continue our job search. So what have they done? Figured out how to write a test that will narrow down the applicants statistically so they don't even have to choose.

I'm waiting to hear back from a potential employer (fortune 500, menial position), but I keep realizing that they may not even be 'hiring,' they just have a position that's constantly posted so in 6 months when they DO need an "Outside P Technician" they can call me, because I scored a perfect on their test. It's horseshit.

Do you suppose the big bad 'economy' is just a ploy by our government to get us all to join the Army/Navy/Marines/Guard so they can bootcamp and brainwash us? I bet there's a book in Powell's about that very topic.

Signing off for now, I've had too much coffee, need to run it off while I wait on an email that either says "Hey, come in for an interview in 5 minutes," or, "Hey, thanks but no thanks. Sorry to have kept you waiting for 5 days."

:)

Thank you very much for your time, I look forward to hearing from you in the fut....

Sorry, thought I was somewhere else.

Au Revoir~

E